Goal 7 set, Round 7 Results COMPLETE, Round 8 open

UPDATE: Round 8 deadline AND the fundraising goal has been pushed until Sunday, 09/09/12 at 11:59pm CST.  We are so sorry it is taking us this long to get through Round 7 results! Now you should have time to get in your Round 8 pages and donate to keep a furry friend and RLGL alive.

Help us get to Round 8 by saving a furry life and clicking on this link and donating! We are still $200 short.  If everyone kicks something in, we should clear the goal.  Don’t rely on others to donate for you if you’ve still got something to kick in.  Thank you so much for all you’ve done! Woof!

New Entrants, Old Entrants who have missed prior rounds, and those who have received Round 7 results, you may submit for Round 8 until Sunday, 09/09/12 at 11:59pm CST.  Have no idea how to play? Read the rules here and come back.

Round 7 Entrants; Please hold until RLGL is over for instructions about the query letter quick crit.

Round 8 is a big one for many of you.  It looks like we could have a tie for free-tiques. We’ll need to institute a tie-breaker page-off should that occur (fun!).  So people who are getting close to passing 8 pages as novelists or the end of their PBs, start revising now and make sure your next 250-word submission is killer.

Goal 7 has been set (same deadline as Round 8), and this one is ruff (as of today we are $200+ short!)  But we are confident you can do it!

Help us get to Round 8 by saving a furry life and clicking on this link and donating! Now is not the time to rely on other people to donate for you!

Kissy and I want you to picture those cute furry faces you’re helping when you  give up that really-bad-for-you Angus Deluxe sandwich at McDonald’s or that Diet Coke and Snickers bar you were going to have on your snack break.

We want you to picture those happy pets sleeping in their new homes. Perhaps becoming a new best friend TO THE KIDDOS WE WRITE FOR.

• Is that not worth giving up, say, the $10 you were going to spend tonight on a bottle of fancy shampoo what won’t do a thing to keep your hair color in place?!!
• Is that not worth giving up the $30 on the tummy-smoother that said it was going to keep everything in, but all it did was cut off the blood supply to your brain?
• Is that not worth the $60 you were going to drop on a splurge massage where the therapist must have been out-to-lunch because your neck is still tight and your back is just as screwy as before?

Maybe, just maybe, a new best friend that a child will remember forever is worth way more than that.

We think so.

Help us get to Round 8 by saving a furry life and clicking on this link and donating!

Round 7 Results *COMPLETE*. If you do not see an X in the proper column,  it is likely you …

1) titled your emailed incorrectly (e.g. missing page number, did not include the  assigned # after page 1).

2) sent it to the wrong email address.

3) sent your submission after the Round 7 deadline.

Pardon the pooch but please make sure you help us read and record your submission correctly.  Because of the high volume, we can no longer spend the time to find emails, look up numbers, or try to figure out which page you are on.  If you made one of these errors, no worries.  Correct the mistake and it will be considered in the next round.

Never want to miss another free-tique game again? Please make sure you are signed up for the free-tique email list for future games like RLGL!
Want to personally fund Kissy’s kibble? Consider having a paid critique instead.

#      Type    Send 250  Back to start   NOTES

4	MG
6	MG	X		See if you can scale back on some of the violence in this page. It’s a bit much, like melodramatic versus dramatic.
12	YA
26	CB
29	PB
38	MG	X*		Very awkward how the time was skipped.  Felt like a chapter went missing or something.  Make sure these pages feels a bit more well rounded. Is there anything besides the competition that this book witll deal with?
40	MG	X*		This whole convo feels like I’ve seen and read this before. Try to find a more unique way to get a bullying scene to go down.  This feels a bit too much like the “textbook” version.
44	YA
48	MG	X		I am also wondering if you can establish in these opening pages why the MC is so convinced they exist…. Just a side-note.  There needs to be more meat to that.
50	YA
60	MG	X*		I’m noting here that I’d like to have some better sense of the long lost friend in the opening pages so I can become more involved in the dilemma.
61	YA	X*		Feel like this teen’s voice is a bit young still.  Perhaps give her more dimension with the use of a few well-timed and well-chosen details
62	MG	X*		This almost got the paw from Kissy. I talked him out of it for one more page.  Be careful of making your MC seem heartless/cruel. This page just felt too mean. Scale back.
64	YA	X*		Watch the setup pacing… this is dragging a bit… need to move to the next plot point soon.
67	MG	X
76
207	PB
213	MG
216	PB
217	CB
222	MG
224	MG	X
225	MG	X
226	MG	X*		This page made your MC feel too crybabyish and melodramatic.  And I wondered how well it served your story overall, with pacing.  In this many pages, I need to know a little more about what this story will be about aside from the change in environment.
227	PB
237	MG	X
239	MG	X
304	YA
307	MG	X*		I’m really surprised the MC doesn’t make a bigger deal out of her discovery and falls asleep instead.  Feels really off to me. I’d rework. I’ll read on to see where this goes, but its got to go somewhere soon or I’m afraid Kissy will give it the paw.
313	YA	X*		The plotting feels a bit simplistic even for an upper MG novel. I think it might just be that the first chapter isn’t fully capturing the breadth of this book. I’ll see if there’s more to this, but Kissy’s paw is twitching.
314	MG
319	PB
400	CB	X*		This actually reads more like a MG novel.  How old is your MC? Try to establish in the opening pages …
407	PB
500	MG	X*		Writing is promising BUT we’ve got an issue with pacing in three pages already. What exactly will this story be about? Not really sure. Should have some clue in these opening pages.
501	MG	X*		Be careful of making the MC sound too superficial when it comes to the opposite sex.  To be this self-aware is a bit forced-feeling. So scale back just a touch.
506	PB		X	I feel like this one began to feel too repetitive and the illustration potential as well, just felt like more of the same but only slightly different.  Consider how you can make this feel more engaging both in text and visually as well.
507	YA		X	Unfortunately, I wasn’t drawn in like I wanted to be.  I think the issue is that the voice of the MC is very muted.  She could be anyone in these opening pages. I think the urgent scene doesn’t give you much of an opportunity to show off your MC and pull us in. Try starting off in a less tense moment.
508	ER
509	YA	X*		The vision sequence feels very melodramatic.  Just give me a couple of flashes each time she really touches it…. Instead of a whole trance that’s really really hard to follow.
510	MG	X*		I had re-read this a few times to make out what was going on. Still not clear.  I’d rework this some more. Try not to overwrite the logistics of what’s happening. This is probably sounding more complicated than it needs to be.
511	PB
514	MG
517	MG	X*		Don’t keep secrets from readers that the MC is well aware-of.  Here, the 4th wall is broken and this feels more like leading your reader (in a bad way) versus foreshadowing in the book in a good way. Use of cigarettes in an mg novel can be troubling for book-buyers. It’s likely that will be edited out of your book.
520	YA
521	MG	X*		I’d trim down the descriptions a bit; feels kind of repetitive. We get that it’s creepy, not tell us the story, you know? 🙂
523	PB		X	Here’s the thing: love the humor, the creativity and shear amount of effort it took to create this.  BUT, I just felt like this premise wasn’t strong enough to carry a picture book in the end. I needed that so-what? factor.
525	YA		X	I feel like we haven’t started on a day that is different for the main character and I’m also wondering if there’s a bit too much going on with two characters who both have psychological issues in the opening pages.  The problems are competing for my attention as a reader.  Consider tackling just one verus both.
528	MG	X*		I’m wishing the main character’s voice had a bit more spark to it.  Right now the voice is a bit flat.
529	PB
532	YA	X*		The detail about the boy feels really stuck in. Still feel like the voice is young. Like maybe a 14/15 versus a full-blown 16.
536	PB		X	Unfortunately, this stil doesn’t read differently enough. The ending was anticlimatic (I expected some bigger payoff) but never got it.  See if you can put more zing in this text. Something surprising. It seems to peak in the middle, versus at the end.
537	MG
538	MG	X*		Minor: The little bit of backstory that is stuffed in here feels very forced. I’d remove.
600	PB
601	PB		X	The premise is a good one, but in the end I felt the execution wasn’t “big” enough to carry a picture book.  Think larger than life, not just like life.  Otherwise, this might get marked as better for a magazine short story instead.
602	MG	X
603	PB	X*		I want to see how this turns out. The storytelling style is great BUT but… I feel like this could be even stronger if you spun this to be more kid-oriented.
604	MG
605	YA	X*		The sudden shift in gears was a bit unexpected. I wondered if there was a better way to start the story that feels less-forced.
607	PB		X	We loved the fun, humor, and energy in this text. But … felt you might want to age up the characters for kindergarten audience. OR simplify this quite a bit and make it into an irresistable little board book.  Right now, it’s caught in the middle with the format.
608	YA	X
609	MG	X
610	PB		X	We like the uniqueness of both of your texts but for RLGL, I think this is too hard to judge for us. The simplicity and charm of the text is there for both of these works. But we feel like we’re missing something to make these stories feel like more of a sure thing.  So don’t take this X too seriously.  Except maybe consider fleshing out both of your works a bit more so the story arc is stronger and more emotionally involving.
611	PB		X	Unfortunately, both the writing style and this premise didn’t fully grab me as a picture book text. It just felt a bit mature to me as well for a slightly older ready. Very much more like a short story.
613	PB	X*		I’m charmed by the MC but I am also concerned about the writing style of this text. BUT … I’m charmed by the MC, so I’ll keep reading.
615	CB			This has a certain charm to it.  We’ll keep going and see what happens
617	CB
618	PB	X		Fun and deceptively simple which si great. Like the cumulative feel of this story as well… Let’s just hope there’s a great payoff.
619	ER		X	Now that I’ve read further, this feels very much like it’s written for a longer format. It could be an a chapter book or MG novel based on the writing style.  Not an ER.
622	PB		X	I love the charm and wit of this text, but I wondered if perhaps you have a fun short story, and not a picture book text.  See wfcat.com article on Revision 9-1-1 for PBs.
623	BB
624	PB	X*		This is funny but I’m not sure how this would work as a PB if this doesn’t have a great so-what…I’m curious to see where this goes.
626	MG	X
700	PB		X	Unfortunately, I feel the elements in this PB feel a bit too loose. But I did like that the MC had an aspiration and some obstacles to overcome and that was evident from the start.
701	ER	X*		There is a certain charm to this text. I’d simplify the sentence structure even more though. A bit worried that it is not character-driven enough.
702	PB		X	As it stands, this reads a bit too “slice of life.” Try to turn ordinary occurences into bigger concepts with a clear so-what?  We need more emotional value / market value to carry a picture book.
703	BB		X	This fees a bit too advanced as a board book and not rich enough in entertainment value or emotional value as a picture book to me. Try again?
704	PB		X	The opening here feels a bit everydayish, and the concept feels a bit loose as well.  See wfcat.com Revision 9-1-1 article for PBs
705	PB		X	An interesting spin BUT I worry this reads a bit complex / mature for the target audience.  Try approaching this in a more direct fashion. Simplify somewhat.
706	MG	X		Bits of this opener feel a shade forced, I think the tense is getting in the way a bit, but still promising. I’ll read on …
707	PB		X	This one feels a bit older than a PB because of the narrator’s voice. But more importantly the premise doesn’t feel “big” enough for a picture book. You might want to consider expanding into writing for a longer format.
708	PB		X	This reads very much like a young mg novel in voice and writing style.  Check out wfcat.com article, Revision 9-1-1 for PBs.
709	PB	X*		Like the charm of the opening 4 lines, but I’m not sure this premise is going to feel strong enough for a PB to me.  I’ll keep reading to find out..
710	PB		X	This one feels more like a nice poem, than a full-blown picture book. And I was left with a feeling of … hmmm… I’d rather see something meatier for a PB text.
711	YA	X*		A very common opening for an MG or YA.  Please do everything you can, NOT to start a book this way because I’m afraid it won’t stand out when compared to others.  I’ll pretend this didn’t happen tho because I want to see if the second page will ready more uniquely.
712	YA	X
713	PB		X	Enjoy the idea of this but felt that doing this to a particular tune limits your story a lot.  It depends on a reader’s awareness of the tune for the rhyme to work. Try not to limit your idea to a particular tune.  And let loose!
714	PB	X
715	PB	X*		This concept is familiar (meaning there are other books like this), I’m going to wonder if this is BETTER than what’s out there as I read the next page.
716			X	I feel like this one is tough for a couple of reasons: one the style  feels a bit too repetitive and the illustration opportunites aren’t as visually captivating as they could be for a picture book. Theme-wise, it’s a good idea though. I just wondered if it could be approached in a “bigger” way, versus an everyday-ish way so it stands out as a manuscript
717			X	This reads very much like a short story versus a picture book text.  The writing style could also work for longer works in novels, etc.  See wfcat.com Revision 911 article about PBs.
718		X*		Fun, but I wondered if this was going to have a great so-what to go along with it. Let’s find out…
719		X*		Workable premise, but the telling feels everyday-ish.  How can you tackle this premise in a way that we’ve never seen before.  I’ll see where this goes because the premise is in the ballpark but … its gotta stand out.
720		X		Minor: but take the year off so your book will have more longevity.
721			X	The humor is really cute, but the character trait just doesn’t feel like a lot of people would go … Ah! Yes, my kiddo has this problem, too.  I’d like to see this premise turned into something even more universal.  Something that feels like it’s got a built-in so-what.
722		X
723			X	This opening is a bit confusing and there are parts that feel forced (like trying too hard to write in a literary way when the text it selfs feels more commercial.) Go for consistency in style and slow down a bit.
724		X*		Interesting start but the conflict is not readily established in 125 words; this concerns me for a picture book.  I’d cut this down quite a bit to get to the meat of your story a bit quicker.