Free-tique feedback codes

These are the codes used for feedback for RLGL. Please keep in mind that this is just one pup’s opinion. Not everyone may feel the same way. If something rings true to you, go with that. If not, keep on truckin’!  Feel free to send something else if a round is open. You never know how we might feel about the next one.

• 00-Dragging pace/tighten
• 05 – Come up with different title, if possible
• 09-Was confused by this page. Slow down and bring more clarity to the text.
• 10-Opening needs stronger hook
• 11-Writing voice could be improved
• 12-Opening needs stronger hook/Could not engage with the story. Where is this going?
• 13-Opening felt somewhat cliche-like we’ve seen this before/Perhaps, come at it from a different angle. Different place in time?
• 14-Premise/Concept is a bit commonplace/Find a completely “grab someone by the throat” way to execute so that your story stands out.
• 15-Moment that broke believability for Kissy. A little tweaking could easily fix the issue.
• 19-Could not connect with the main character. Sharpen the voice. How should this character stand out from all others as written on the paper?
• 20-A lot of “telling” versus “showing.”
• 21-Could not connect with the characters – what should make Kissy engaged about these particular characters and their plight?
• 22-Could not connect or empathize with main character
• 23- Rhyme did not scan for Kissy. Check out this brilliant article by Dori Chaconas for help.Rhyme must come in near perfect or it will get sent back by Kissy as most agents and editors would do.
• 24-Story’s voice felt somewhat mature for a PB text.
• 27-Story does not conjure up very vivid, blow-Kissy-away! kind of images that one would expect in a strong picture book text. Can you up the ante? Create scenes that make Kissy go – WOW, now there’s a picture a discriminating pooch would like to see in a picture book!
• 28-Story felt a bit complex for PB audience/could potentially be an Early Reader or short story if the text were reworked for these formats.
• 29-Story felt a bit complex for PB audience/reads more like a longer work. Simplify or rework as a longer work.
• 30-Story felt somewhat slight for a PB/reads more like a short story
• 31-Story felt somewhat slight for a PB/build this into something with  a much bigger payoff . Take the story to greater heights.
• 32-Story felt somewhat ordinary/”slice of life” for a PB/find a stronger hook or a more unique way to execute the story.
• 33-Minor characters felt cliche/too familiar
• 34-For a PB, let’s take Mom and Dad, Grandpa, Grandma, other adults, out of the picture if possible. Let your MC be the star of the show.
• 40-Don’t know enough about the MC to empathize with his/her immediate plight. (See Revision 9-1-1 article on Plot)
• 44-Grammar and Punctuation concern
• 50-Awkwardness with flashbacks at the story’s outset. Jarring. Consider moving details that are not directly related to the situation at hand so the reader can stay with the MC during a tense moment.
• 55-Pacing needs attention
• 66-Could not connect with premise
• 77-Reads like an older work, overall. Possibly move the voice, not necessarily the story,  into a young middle grade book.
• 78-Reads like an older work, overall. Possibly move the voice, not necessarily the story,  into a chapter book.
• 88-Reads a bit young for YA novel: main character’s voice
• 89-Reads young for YA novel: not sure premise is working for target age group
• 99-Writing could be tightened (see revision 9-1-1, writing mechanics article)